I just had to unfollow a bunch of people on here. It’s nothing personal at all and I enjoyed the posts, but my feed got clogged up very quickly. Especially since I can’t log in so frequently and I hate clogging my iPhone storage space.
I just really really really REALLY hate my life right now. I like about 15-20% of it. But otherwise, I just absolutely want to tear my hair out with stress and the unknown and all the SHIT that constantly gets dumped on me. And I get practically no help. I get help from my husband and my mother-in-law, and I have the support of a few good friends. But other than that, I get no help, I don’t want to eat, I barely get to see my husband, and my job of 3 months is high pressure stressful as SHIT, but I desperately need the money and it’s a better commute.
I just don’t know what to do. I don’t fucking know.
I’ve been listening to Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black album all summer. It feels like I’ve made the worst choices all year. Some days, it just feels easier not to wake up. But I can’t do that because I’m the one who everyone fucking depends on.
We got 2 cats a week ago (after living together for 4 yrs and knowing my allergies would be ok) because I’m so sick of putting off the start of our lives. If I keep saying “oh we’ll do it when ___,” when the fuck are we going to do it? I just want to have a humble QUIET life with my husband and our furry kids and maybe a baby in the next couple years. But my one remaining family member is draining the life out of us, and I’m just so sick of it that I want to take off and never look back. But I would never do that to my husband who I love with all my life.
Do you think that your 16 year old daughter hasn’t masturbated already? Like, do you really think there’s anything in that scene that this chick hasn’t already tried when the lights go out at night, or in the bathroom, or in the tub, or with the shower head or something like that? I’m telling you, man, I’m not teaching this broad anything new. If I were to create a rating system, I wouldn’t even put murder right at the top of the chief offenses. I would put rape right at the top, and assault against women. Because it’s so insanely overused and insulting how much it’s overused in movies as a plot device, a woman in peril. That, to me, is offensive, yet that shit skates.
Kevin Smith (director) on the ridiculousness of movies about sex receiving NC-17 ratings while extremely violent movies get by with R ratings. (via kevinnj)
This is the last week of my summer, though technically it’s only my third week off due to summer school. This time next week, I’ll be preparing my lunch, setting the alarm, putting my bag together, and dreading 5am. But in all honesty, I want to go back. I’m better with a routine, both mentally…
I am sick of being the good daughter. The good granddaughter. The woman who never puts her own needs first. And when I do, I’m thought of as selfish and the guilt trips come flying.
I have been having a tumultuously weird year that has allowed me to see who my true friends really are. And guess what, some of those people may not be so present in my life anymore. But we pop up for both good and sad times, and we can pick up where we left off. Then there are others who are selfish and stubborn and really don’t give a shit about me, just what I can do for them.
I have been forced into the caretaker role for 20 years. I’m going to be 34 this year. And I’ve had some very frightening realizations about my upbringing lately that I desperately need constant therapy for, but I don’t have the money despite being in a new job. All that money goes towards the goddamn second property that I’m FINALLY trying to sell, only everything with my grandmother is hitting the fan, and the HOA sucks. So I can’t even get a walk through.
Anyone who is my friend knows that I love them and want to be present for them, but that I’ve had major shit going on. We all have shit at points in our lives. But I can’t just be whatever someone else wants for their own selfish purposes.
I am far from perfect. In fact, I even want to smack myself sometimes. But I know that I am a GOOD person. And I don’t have to take shit anymore. It’s about time that my husband and I finally start our own lives.