Sorry About the Sapphires

Workin' on my night cheese

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Back-To-School Round-Up!

stfuparents:

Back-to-school can be a complicated time for parents whose emotions, and Facebook updates, are pulsing with intense frequency. Not even on the most photo-heavy of holidays will you see such a constant stream of singularly-themed content — backpack after backpack, lunchbox after lunchbox — posted with so much pride and excitement.

Don’t get me wrong, the first day of school has always been an exciting occasion — for children. But I don’t recall my parents getting especially “excited” about my first day(s) of school, although I’m sure they were thrilled to be rid of me for eight consecutive hours a day. Not one “first day of school” picture exists of me or my brother, and when I called to ask my parents what they were “feeling” on my first day of school, my father’s response was, “What was I feeling? I was feeling like getting you out the door so you could get to the bus stop on time,” and my (retired high school teacher) mother’s response was, “It wasn’t a big deal. We didn’t take any pictures, and I’ve never seen any pictures in anyone’s house of their kids on the first day. I do remember that all the parents would gather at a house down the street after the bus took you guys to school, and we would have coffee and doughnuts and stuff. But that was more of a celebration. It wasn’t about the kids, it was about the kids being gone, FINALLY! And that was a longstanding neighborhood tradition!” Then she kind of trailed off and started listing the different types of foods they ate: coffee cake, doughnuts, muffins, fruit. And then she paused for a minute before saying, ”You had a very normal upbringing. Whatever’s happened afterwards is all on you. HAHAHA!!!!” and cackled loudly until we got off the phone. 

In other words, the “traditions”of yesteryear don’t have much to do with idolizing children or even showing them off in their cute outfits. You kind of couldn’t. What were you going to do, take a roll of film to the drugstore and get the photos developed right away so you could show every person you came into contact with twelve or thirty or even just one photo of your kid standing on the driveway (and likely not holding a fancy life-sized chalkboard detailing their likes, dislikes, bucket lists, and whatnot)? No. It didn’t make sense then. But who knows, maybe if the internet and digital cameras and Facebook had existed at that time, our parents would’ve done the same thing, just before celebrating the first day of school with coffee and doughnuts alone, on Instagram. God, that sounds depressing.

That being said, back-to-school is not a bleak time in 2014. It’s full of smiles and hair bows and trendy T-shirts, and social media is the perfect place for parents to express themselves. Unless, of course, they suck at it. And about 99% of the time that’s the case, it’s because the parent is some kind of helicopter mom-mama bear “fierce protector” hybrid. It’s how we’ve come to live in a world where memos like this get sent home to parents (this one from a school in Australia):

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"…these types of moves" makes me think of breakdancing, or twerking, or maybe dancing in a Satanic ritual circle with knives. Cartwheels, handstands, and other gymnastics "moves" performed by children just seem like "regular movement" for kids who are already bouncing off the walls with excessive amounts of energy. Kids can’t help that their natural levels of adrenaline often lead to intentionally falling down or diving off of tall structures or running and tumbling into cartwheels or handsprings. That’s just what they do. At this point, I’m waiting for the average PE class to consist of eating a Cliff bar and sitting in a gaming room. 

Anyway, the point is — back-to-school has practically been elevated to holiday status, and lots of parents on social media have had a field day (of sorts) since the middle of August. They’re all somewhat obsessed with their children, and yet their reactions to their kids returning to (or entering) school vary. Let’s check out some examples and then put this special scholastic time back on reserve until next August. (Note to parents: If your kid gets a new backpack anytime between mid-September and May, try to refrain from posting a picture.)

1. Helicopter Mom Pride

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Little Issabella looks mighty excited and cute in these pre-k pictures — but is it a multi-photo gallery worth of cute? Could this album have been trimmed down a bit? Aw, who cares. Why take time to hate on something that doesn’t happen every day, right? You only start pre-k once, and Issabella is thrilled to have her picture taken by her mom. Plus, it’s not like Tabitha is going to force anyone to endure this level of documom pride on a daily basis. It’s a special occasion!

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Ah. Never mind. Poor Issabella. When will parents learn that most humans, even tiny ones, aren’t huge fans of having their picture(s) taken before 8 a.m.? By the time Issabella is done with pre-k, she’ll probably have “accidentally” broken her mom’s camera at least 20 times, and all of her mom’s Facebook friends will be extremely understanding about it.

2. First Day Of School Pics On The Second Day

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This is the same ridiculous logic parents use when they hold back their kid so he’s the oldest in his class instead of the youngest. Sure, the dad being described in this tweet may have received more “Likes” or algorithmically come out on top in his friends’ newsfeeds, but how many of them wandered over to another platform to mock him for it? (At least one.)

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#1, #10, #11 writteninthekitchensink. But really, #1. LOLAZ FOREVER.

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KITTIES

Not posting on FB bc I don’t feel like starting a chain reaction of responses, and I’m too wordy for Twitter.

Of course we ended up with the super nocturnal kitties. Really hoping this changes in time! It hasn’t even been 2 full wks yet. She is pretty social and will come down around 7 or so. She’s an attention whore couch kitty, and is just the prettiest little thing- and SMART. I swear she understands us. He is shy and insecure (seriously) and doesn’t come down till nearly 10. Tonight it was 10:30. And I can’t stay up late anymore, so I had to give him a few pats, a little baby talk, and go upstairs. No, our bedroom door will never be open bc of my allergies. But I feel bad bc he needs special attention, and we both try to give it. And of course she either gives him the stink eye or tries to circle us while we’re reaching out to him like PAY ATTENTION TO ME. (They’re brother/sister)

And then I worry bc I hear a weird sound coming from him when he purrs. Hubby noticed too. I know they’re up-to-date on everything, but I wonder if he has allergies or something. Hubby gets paranoid and worries it’s a heart murmur or that he weighs too much. 13 lbs is not too big and we’re portioning food throughout the day.

SIGH. We love them so much. We miss them during the day. But we just want them to fully trust and love us, and while we know it’s certainly an adjustment and process, we just get worried. They are 2 years old, and this is their second home outside of 2 times in the rescue/foster. So of course they’re tentative, esp him. And I see their comfort level and that they’re getting used to our routine. I’m just not used to pets!!!

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scamandalous:

Everyone who has ever worked in an office has wanted to do this. I don’t understand why this scene hasn’t made this movie iconic. McAvoy’s acting is exceptional. The compressed rage when he gets up is palpable.

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I just had to unfollow a bunch of people on here.  It’s nothing personal at all and I enjoyed the posts, but my feed got clogged up very quickly.  Especially since I can’t log in so frequently and I hate clogging my iPhone storage space.  

I just really really really REALLY hate my life right now.  I like about 15-20% of it.  But otherwise, I just absolutely want to tear my hair out with stress and the unknown and all the SHIT that constantly gets dumped on me.  And I get practically no help.  I get help from my husband and my mother-in-law, and I have the support of a few good friends.  But other than that, I get no help, I don’t want to eat, I barely get to see my husband, and my job of 3 months is high pressure stressful as SHIT, but I desperately need the money and it’s a better commute.

I just don’t know what to do.  I don’t fucking know.  

I’ve been listening to Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black album all summer.  It feels like I’ve made the worst choices all year.  Some days, it just feels easier not to wake up. But I can’t do that because I’m the one who everyone fucking depends on.

We got 2 cats a week ago (after living together for 4 yrs and knowing my allergies would be ok) because I’m so sick of putting off the start of our lives. If I keep saying “oh we’ll do it when ___,” when the fuck are we going to do it?  I just want to have a humble QUIET life with my husband and our furry kids and maybe a baby in the next couple years.  But my one remaining family member is draining the life out of us, and I’m just so sick of it that I want to take off and never look back. But I would never do that to my husband who I love with all my life.  

I just. Don’t. Know. What. TO DO.  

Filed under my life stress depression can't take this when will i get what I need